Episode 082: Body Confidence – What’s your body worth?

By Help Person|August 28, 2018|Show notes, Uncategorized|0 comments

Episode 082: Body Confidence – What’s your body worth? with special guest Meg Sullivan

If you’re looking for the secret to looking and feeling your best, then congratulations, you’re listening to the right episode. Our guest, Meg Sullivan, is Certified Pilates Instructor & Certified Fitness Trainer, former CPA and leading expert in the field of female transformational work and body love. Meg is the co-founder ENliteNED LIFE™, a health & lifestyle consulting firm for Professional women and Bold Body MANTRA™ Clothing, a consciously created body positive clothing line designed to empower women to love the skin they’re in. Meg & her co-founder (and sister!) Shannon work with women seeking to lose weight and build body confidence. As a result, their clients have doubled their salaries, released weight they’ve been trying to lose for decades, and stepped into a life a life that they now love. Body Love and Body Gratitude is the fuel for these transformations – not just for their clients, but also for Meg & Shannon themselves.

Full Transcript: 

Leanne:             00:07         Welcome to life divorce podcast, episode 82. I am your host, Leanne Linsky,

The Boyfriend:     00:12         and I’m the boyfriend.

Leanne:             00:13          Welcome back to another wonderful week of. We are thrilled to be here again this week and make sure as always while you’re tuning in, review and subscribe and check out the website@lifeafterdivorce.com where we have an online store filled with wonderful hand crafted and divorce theme soap for your bathing pleasure.

The Boyfriend:     00:37         Don’t forget the candles and the candles

Leanne:             00:40         for your Zen like moments

The Boyfriend:     00:42         and your coaching

Leanne:             00:43         and life coaching to get your life on track. If you’re looking for a fresh start, I’m your Gal. So gimme a call actually just go to the website and schedule a session. I’m giving away some free sessions.

The Boyfriend:     00:58         Yeah, that sounds great. so no, no texting while driving today.

Leanne:             01:05         No texting. Yeah, the PSA, you guys no texting while driving. pay attention to where you’re going because if you’re not, the guy behind you is probably having severe road rage right now and that would be me.

The Boyfriend:     01:20         Yeah. Cause what are our summer has been sort of filled with work, right?

Leanne:             01:27         Yeah, it has it, you know,

The Boyfriend:     01:29         it causes us rage.

Leanne:             01:30         Yes. And the boyfriend and I, we have kind of like just, it’s just been a crazy year. We keep mentioning that it’s been a crazy year, but we’ve had a lot of things going on. We’re almost done with this move, right?

The Boyfriend:     01:43         Yeah. Almost.

Leanne:             01:44         Yeah. How’s this going for you?

The Boyfriend:     01:46         It’s been, but it’s been, it’s been okay. We’re almost done.

Leanne:             01:51         Here’s the thing, I’m gonna you know what it’s like out of all 28 moves that I’ve done, this was really challenging because we’ve really dragged this out over time and I think it would’ve just, it’s like it’s like peeling the Band-Aid off instead of just ripped that sucker off and be done with it. That’s what it’s like, right?

The Boyfriend:     02:12         Yeah. it’s been a painful couple of weeks, you guys.

Leanne:             02:19         It’s like you can’t focus. It’s just, yeah, just do it when you move, just do it and be done and be done with it because otherwise you got to keep going back and forth and then it’s like, where do I put this? And then you’re like, oh, it’s at the other place. And then you got to get in the car, you gotta drive or you got a bike over there, go get it. It’s a pain. It really kind of is

The Boyfriend:     02:41         so with the move in with we’re with. We’re, we’re,

Leanne:             02:47         yeah, all that kind of stuff. So the boyfriend and I have been, so we’re, we’re better than we were a month ago. We’re getting better and back on track, but we’re really looking forward to like the first of September so that we can finally be not feeling like the sloths that we are, we don’t eat terrible. But boy when you get off track and you get on that slippery slope, I feel gross.

The Boyfriend:     03:14         About a month ago we changed our diet. We’ve been trying to exercise a little more.

Leanne:             03:19         Yeah. And we’ve been doing better

The Boyfriend:     03:22         We’re not back to where we want to be.

Leanne:             03:24         Right. We’re also not 20 again, so that’s the problem. But here’s the thing, like, okay, so boyfriend’s not on social media or anything at all. You guys know that, but I don’t even want to take my photo. I just recently changed my profile picture, but I don’t like taking pictures when I just don’t feel good on the inside. Therefore I feel like I don’t look good on the outside. Do you feel like that?

The Boyfriend:     03:50         I think everyone has that when they don’t feel good and then that feeling gets projected to your outer image and then people see that,

Leanne:             04:01         right? Yeah, and then when you’re driving on the road and someone’s on their cell phone, then you’re angry with them and you take out all your frustration. That’s just okay. maybe just me, but yeah, that’s. That’s exactly what happens. Like if it’s habit, there’s a reason they call it a bad hair day. If you don’t feel like you’ll look good, the rest of your day just goes to crap at. Like it affects everything.

The Boyfriend:     04:27         It affects. It affects how you feel, so therefore it affects how you perform at work. It affects how you have interactions with other people, friends, your relationship, everything,

Leanne:             04:38         everything. It really does, which is why I was really, really excited when we talk to our guests this week because this is what she does. So let me tell you a little about our guest this week because I think she’s quite fascinating. So I guess this week is Meg Sullivan and meg is actually a business partners with her sister Shannon, who is not an interview this week and we’ll talk to her another time for sure. But Megan Sullivan is a certified [inaudible] instructor and certified fitness trainer and Shannon Sullivan is a certified holistic health coach and they’re both former CPA’s and corporate professionals who are leading experts in the field of female transformational work. Embody love. Megan Shannon founded enlightened life, a health and lifestyle-consulting firm for professional women, bold body mantra clothing, uh, consciously creative body positive clothing line, designed to empower women to love the skin they’re in. Megan and Shannon teach that the secret to delivering your greatest impact and commanding your worth is feeling confident in your skin and your body. Woman working with Megan Shannon have doubled their salaries, released weight they’ve been trying to lose for decades and stepped into a life that they now love. Body, love and body gratitude is the fuel, these transformations, not just for their clients but also for Megan. Shannon themselves. So without further ado,

Leanne:            06:07         Meg Sullivan make welcome to life after divorce podcast.

Meg Sullivan:       06:30         Thank you for having me. Leanne, I’m excited to be here.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_quotes_ep82a_body_confidenceLeanne:             06:33         Thank you. This is really cool. I haven’t seen you since Portland and I know you and Shannon had been up to really great things and and I. and so I was wondering if we could start. We’re going to be talking a lot about body confidence and, and relationships and this episode and I know you kind of had an interesting story that you shared with me earlier and I was curious, would you mind sharing that with our listeners to start?

Meg Sullivan:       07:02         So you’re going to put me out there. You’re going to make me put my vulnerable sign out there. Yeah, we’ll, we’ll start with this. So, so first of all, love. Easy.

Leanne:             07:13         No, this one makes so, so meg is married, right? Yes. And you’ve never been divorced? Correct. Awesome. So

Meg Sullivan:       07:24         almost divorced within the first year of marriage, almost divorced. Oh No. Well, they say the first two years are the hardest. Well there. Right.

Leanne:             07:36         But you made it through so that I’m glad about. And and did you want to share about that? You don’t have to. Just checking in.

Meg Sullivan:       07:46         I can, I can share about that, you know, and it’s, it’s going to be less sucks. I mean, it’s not exciting, but basically we got married. I was 23, my husband was 25. I had a very, very idealistic view of marriage that was not necessarily realistic.

Leanne:             08:08          and,

Meg Sullivan:       08:10         and once we moved past that, we were in a much better place, but I honestly do say like marriage counseling was the best decision that we ever made.

Leanne:             08:23         Really. That’s fantastic. That’s really good that, that it’s worked and good to know for other people because a lot of times people often feel like that’s going to be the, the moment of truth. Right, right. Yeah. Right. But I love that you say that. You said about it being that you had this idealistic view of marriage, because I think a lot of us go into it with that same thing, you know, and that actually came up early, which actually the

Meg Sullivan:       08:55        issues that I had with my now husband in that first year of marriage, so much turns out, was ironed out because I’d moved from having that idealistic view into, okay, what’s realistic and what’s actually going to make us happy and what makes sense here. But the first time I realized that I had that super, super idealistic view of marriage relationships was with my long term boyfriend who I was with before I met my husband. I was in my twenties and it was. It was really the first serious boyfriend that I dated two and a half, three years and I feel like in your twenties that’s a serious relationship. Right? Yeah. That’s really serious, but. But I do remember it as this relates to body confidence. One of the most hurtful, painful experiences that I had with him was that we had time to work. We’re going to grab dinner that night and he’s like, yeah, just come up to my apartment.

Meg Sullivan:       10:03         I’ll leave the door open. Just come in, we’ll you know, we’ll, we’ll get together and grab dinner. So I remember I’d gone up to his apartment. I walk in and on his computer screen is all this corn. I remember feeling so shocked. I was like, I mean, it literally took my breath away. It took my breath away and the first thing that came into my mind was, oh my gosh, what am I doing wrong? Like, why am I not enough? What’s wrong with me? What’s. Is it something wrong with my body? I mean, of course all these thoughts are, oh, does he not really like me? I thought I was his everything and he needs this to. And as I mature and you have more life experience, you see that that’s not the case. There’s a lot of people out there, guys, girls, whatever, that watched porn and you know, whatever works for you. Hey, I’m cool with whatever works for you. But at that point in my life and at that experience itches, I immediately internalized it and was thought something’s wrong with me and it’s because I was seeking validation from this external source. And so that was a huge turning point for me. yeah, I’m happy I don’t live in that area.

Leanne:             11:27         It makes a little. Takes a little pressure off of you, but I can totally relate. I think a lot of us have been in similar situation, especially when we’re younger because when, you know, there’s a first time for everything and it’s like I’ve never encountered this and I thought it was supposed to be this way and it’s not like it is in the movies or the way my parents had it. So yeah, that can be very damaging to one’s self esteem and especially like, you know, we talk a lot about on the podcast about obviously divorce, but it’s numerous times it’s come up like with people cheating and, and other relationship issues and sometimes relationship issues where even where it not another person is involved, but like maybe just the attention isn’t there or there’s something else missing from that relationship and it we take it as a personal reflection on ourselves and how we feel about ourselves or how we feel about our looks, you know, if cause relationships evolve over time so things can happen and you get closer to a person or you get farther away from a person and somehow we always find a way to make it personal.

Leanne:             12:36         Absolutely. Absolutely. So, and it’s so common of women, right? And I, I think a lot of us immediately jumped to this

Meg Sullivan:       12:45         body confidence issue, at least the women in our community and in the circles that we’re involved with. If something’s, something’s wrong with my body. It’s because I’m too heavy. It’s, it’s because my body is different than when we met. It’s because I’ve had children and really deep down it’s usually not the case, but that’s the story that we tell ourselves.

Leanne:             13:08        Yeah, it’s so true and it’s interesting because of body confidence thing can show up in a number of ways. I don’t know you, I’m sure you’ve noticed this, but I’ve seen where the person becomes more introverted and starts declining social invitations and staying at home more and isolates a little bit more, but there’s also the flip side of that body confidence where someone is suddenly putting themselves out there and ways they would never have done before. Almost seeking attention to validate themselves and to reassure them that they’re okay. You know, so they, they, they project themselves as like, yeah, I’ve got this. I’m totally tough and I’m good, but really they’re, they’re crumbling inside, but they’re, they’re wanting to put on the show for the world to be like, I’m good. I’m okay, but right. Yeah, I called it the revenge body syndrome.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_quotes_ep82b_body_confidenceMeg Sullivan:       14:05         Hey that can be a great thing if you’re doing it for the right reasons. If you’re going after the revenge body because it’s like, Gosh, now I now I know my words, I am confident in my value and this is what I want to do and this is what I deserve and this makes me feel good. Go for it. You’re going to be able to keep that forever if you’re going for the revenge body because it’s like I just want to get back at him for the event or for the occasion it doesn’t last. It doesn’t last. You’re looking for external validation from

Leanne:             14:40         somebody that really, you probably shouldn’t care what they think. Yeah. Right. So would, that you may have never even considered before, you know, but now it seems like the ideal situation to something crazy. And, and also it’s like uh, when you see people in like an unhappy situation, I feel like and even when we go through stress or different forms of life trauma or whatever it is, like things happen in our body. Like we internalize it and it comes out in weird ways and it can be overeating and putting on weight or just stress suite or whatever it is. But the same thing happens to like the breakup is the ideal situation to like Gimme a good breakup. I will drop every pound I ever worried about like overnight. I didn’t know live like just thinking about a breakup. It’s like boom, boom, boom pounds fall off. What is it that all about, you know,

Meg Sullivan:       15:36         interesting that you say that because I have said before that the breakup is the ingredient to weight loss, secret thing that nobody talks about and that is true and I don’t mean break up, get surprised, donate. That’s not what I’m talking about. But whenever you are out of alignment, there is this mom or disease. I’m going to say that as two words under the surface and it manifests in different ways. Sometimes it manifests with weight, sometimes. Sometimes that underlying core reason is career, relationship, body, lifestyle, whatever it is. Women are typically coming to us for weight loss because that is the symptom that’s bothering them at that point. That’s the symptom that’s up in the forefront. But that’s what it is. It’s just a symptom. So in our groups, we use what we call this left arm policy and what I mean by that is when somebody feels pain or tingling or numbness in the left arm that oftentimes is the first sign that there’s a heart attack going on.

Meg Sullivan:       16:55         But if I go to the doctor and I told the doctor that, hey, I have painted my arm, can you treat the pain in my arm? And the doctor gives me pain medicine to treat the pain in my arm that’s not solving the problem that’s going on in my heart and it’s not solving the problem that’s going on in my, in my arm. So I always look at treating the root cause, which is whatever’s going on under the surface. The weights is the symptom, the weight is the left arm. And the root cause is, it’s the heart attack. It’s whatever is causing the symptom. So when I say something like the breakup is the weight loss ingredient that nobody talks about, it’s absolutely true, but it’s because that breakup has put us into alignment or we broken up with that thing that is causing the symptom.

Meg Sullivan:       17:56        So sometimes it’s relationships, sometimes it’s a marriage. Like I said, sometimes it’s a career, sometimes it’s a certain mindset and I’m oversimplifying this a bit for this. Don’t run out and break up with someone that you’re right, that’s not what I’m saying. And it’s not something that you usually just figure out in five minutes, but if you take the time to really excavate it, you find out what that root causes and chances are we already know what it is deep down, right? We know where the area of misalignment is in our life. If we actually just quiet ourselves and think about it, but sometimes it takes time to decide to make that final break.

Leanne:             18:44         Yeah, and I feel like a lot of times isn’t it kind of backwards where people will say, well, if I lose this weight, then I could do these other things, then I can make changes here or there. And they put the weight loss first strength. Just like your arm heart situation, it’s putting the cart before the horse.

Meg Sullivan:       19:06         Right? Right. And you treat the symptom, the weight loss is the symptom you, you. It’s kind of like diets, diets treat the symptom. That’s why most women are in four to five diets a year and 62 diets throughout their life because those diets attack the symptom. Those diets are, it’s the pain medication trying to treat your left arm

Leanne:             19:28         right and they are not working so better to get to the root of the issue. And I’m looking. I had, so I have to full disclosure, I took a peek at your net body worth assessment, which is fantastic because I was like, I’m feeling pretty confident and then I’m sitting here going through this assessment and I’m like, well wait a minute, maybe I’m not as confident as I thought it was a, you know, because the questions on here are our, well they really make you think and I don’t have to sit and think and by that I don’t mean like I really have to sit and think before I answer each one. But as I answered them so quickly, like do you often say yes to events or activities or meetings that you don’t really want to attend? Yes. And then as I go down the list of these other questions that are similar, I’m like, oh my gosh, I’m doing all of these things and putting all of these other things first instead of setting healthy boundaries and taking care of myself.

Meg Sullivan:       20:27         Right, right. Well, and that’s the thing. And this is something that we make each of our clients fill out because we want to know where they stand. We want to know what’s the area of life that’s really the hang up per se, because we already know the weights of symptom. I know that you want to lose weight and I know that you think once you lose the weight, you’re going to feel more confident and be happier and all that stuff. Great. But what’s causing the weight? And it’s funny that you say it because the assessment, it does, it looks at communication boundaries. It looks at your value, your worth conversation. yes, food and movement, that’s certainly part of it. But what is your inner critic saying?

Leanne:            21:06         Yeah, well, let’s talk about the value worth thing for a minute. Because I’m oftentimes like I don’t always think of my weight is value or worth, but it’s very closely associated because if I’m having a good hair day, I feel like I’m worth a million bucks. Right. And there’s a reason that we call it a good hair day. There’s no like, that’s just like that how we look as how we feel as much as we’d hate we, we’d like to say it shouldn’t be that way. It is that way. Right, right. So like, okay, well my value or worth like is, you know, is my contentment or happiness with my body tied to be in a certain weight or fitting into a certain size will as much as I hate to admit it. Yeah. Like if I am uncomfortable in my clothes or they’re not fitting, I’m not going to be happy about that. And, and that goes back to like thinking, you know, there’s another question on here about, do you often feel like you’re comparing yourself to the wait, you were in high school or five years ago or when you got married? You know, I laughed at that because there’s a comic in New York who always talks about, hey, I’m trying, I’m trying a new diet. I’m trying to get back to my birth weight, which is ridiculous, but I feel like that’s May as well be what we’re trying to do because that’s impossible, right?

Meg Sullivan:       22:28         There’s this huge connection between knowing your value and your worth. And sometimes I’ll say secretly shifting this Gal’s, right? Because that sounds kind of juicy, but the only thing I mean by that is, is weight loss being the byproduct rather than the focus. And

Meg Sullivan:       22:45         also to that that worth and value conversation is also connected to staying in a relationship that maybe you shouldn’t be staying in or, or getting out of a relationship that you really know is over mean it’s all connected. But the idea of knowing our value or our worth is so key and it’s, it affects the soul-sucking job that we might be staying in. Like set the relationship that we know is over. or like me. I mean, my situation where I was totally startled by walking in on my long-term boyfriend and there’s a bunch of porn on the screen and, and feeling terrible, feeling like something was wrong with me and looking for that external validation.

Leanne:             23:34         Yeah, but it’s the thinking that

Life_Lafter_Divorce_quotes_ep82c_body_confidenceMeg Sullivan:       23:38         we’re not enough. We’re not good enough. Something’s wrong with me. And, and when you’re in that mindset, you’re not seeing your value, you’re questioning it. You don’t own it. And human nature is that we do not take care of the things we don’t value. We just don’t know if she feels like you’re not enough. If you feeling like you’re worthless or that you don’t deserve, you know, fill in the blank. Whatever you want to put there. You’re not seeing your value and you’re definitely not taking care of yourself.

Leanne:             24:05         It’s so true. And like on that note on validation and how we seek that out in the craziest ways. So a while back, I had worked retail for a while and I worked in a higher end women’s clothing store and spent a lot of time styling woman. That was one of our things is we made sure that when you came in, we just didn’t send you to a dressing room. We spent the time to style you and helped you find some clothes that fit accurately and kind of became a little personal shopper and it was mind blowing how many women would come in. And the first thing I’d say is I need something with long sleeves or a long skirt to cover my knees or my elbows are my arms, my stomach, whatever it was they wanted to hide. Right? And, and it was like, I look at him, I’m like, why would you want to hide any part of you?

Leanne:             24:57         You look amazing, but that’s in their mind. We have these weird things like we have to cover these parts of us ourselves up. And then these women would go through all this trouble to rule out most everything in the store and limit themselves to like one or two items because it would cover them. And then the other thing was, is that they, they, we tend to buy things that are not a true fit for us. Uh, everybody comes in, including myself before I worked there, buying things that were size or two sizes too big, like having this image of ourselves that didn’t fit what was actually there. And the other point is, as I’m going back to this validation, my long way to get there is that when women would come in and shop with people, they, they actually like their significant other. The significant other is waiting outside of the draft. Didn’t dressing room area. The woman would go in, she’d try on all of these clothes, come out beaming and feeling like a million bucks in a terrific outfit and walk out in front of them and be like, what do you think? And he’s like, eh. And then they would just, you could just see the shatter them. Like they’d go back into the dressing room and say no to that outfit because someone else didn’t approve it yet. Two seconds before that they felt like a million bucks

Meg Sullivan:       26:18         and they felt like a different person and they walked with a different energy and they had this magnetism that would have attracted people to him. And because their boyfriend or spouse or whoever is like sitting on his phone scrolling through Facebook, he gets to like, it’s okay. Exactly. And, and you know,

Leanne:             26:34         a half hour to get them out of the clothes that were too big and hiding their knees and hiding their legs and hiding their arms and hiding their neck and was a in the back. They go with a giant trash bag, gunnysack because that’s what they felt comfortable in, you know, like something way too big and bulky. A hiding all of the good things about them. Right? Because someone else didn’t improve,

Meg Sullivan:       26:58         right. Which even with that, right, with the trash bag, gunnysack the boyfriend or the spouse is still probably going to say

Leanne:            27:06         like whatever. And it’s happened all the time. In fact, there was one woman who came in, she was looking for a pair of jeans and she had all these different genes, you know, coming in and out that she was trying on. And she’s like, well, he likes them a certain way. So we went and we found all the genes that were like that cut or that shade and this and that, and every time she’d come out he’d give her the. It’s okay type thing to the point where she got after a good 45 minutes in the dressing room, she was so discouraged. She was crying and she walked out of the dressing room in tears and left. And he’s like, what just happened? And he went running after he had no idea. [inaudible] an hour later he came back to the story. He said, do you still have all those clothes that she tried on? And I said, I can put them back together for you. And I go, what can I do? What do you need? And he goes, I would like to buy all of them for her. So he’s a good man. So I agree. The,

Meg Sullivan:       28:09         the style. And then we’ll, I’ll tell you a little something that we do is with our clients so that your audience can do too, but they were not sharing a room and we need to decide on the paint color. Like its how do I feel in this outfit? Not.

Leanne:             28:24         Do you like it? Yeah. Yeah.

Meg Sullivan:       28:31         The exercise that we do with our clients is it’s very similar to this. We require that they go to the store by themselves so they cannot have a friend. They cannot have their spouse, they cannot have their mom. This isn’t say yes to the dress personal shopper. They can have their personal shopper, they can have somebody at the store help them, but they need to purchase one outfit, a complete outfit. Not something that they’re going to try and work different pieces together that they already have, but a complete outfit that they feel amazing end and I tell them, I don’t care if it’s a workout outfit. I don’t care if it’s jeans and casual. I don’t care if it’s a power suit that you’re going to wear to the office or I don’t care if it’s a cocktail dress. I don’t care if it’s an evening gown. It doesn’t matter to me what it is, but you have to feel amazing in it. And when you see that happen and it. And it’s such a change. I mean, the person, the posture changes, the energy changes, the way they carry themselves, their confidence changes. They have this magnetism and I don’t speak French, but they have this genesis that you can’t articulate it, but it’s just, there’s some, there’s something there, there’s just, there’s a different energy that everyone is attracted to when they’re in that outfit.

Leanne:             29:54         Yeah. Yeah. And it has its confidence. They’ve. Yeah. And you’re absolutely right. And there’s something so attractive about that. And and, and on that point of going out and buying this great outfit, what a great exercise to have because so many women would come into the store and say, I have nowhere to go, so I’m not even gonna look like, why would you, why would you rip yourself off of something so powerful?

Meg Sullivan:       30:19         Right. Right. Why are you going to let somebody else or some other event define what your allowed to buy and not buy or which is basically in that case, how you’re allowed to feel or not feel.

Leanne:             30:34         Yeah. And just because you’re not going anywhere, quote special, whatever that means. Like why can’t you feel great about yourself everyday? Why can’t, why can’t we go to the grocery store and feel good? Why can’t we wear something besides our favorite yoga pants? You know, when we go put gas in her car and run errands, why can’t we feel good? Whatever that means. I mean, if you feel great and yoga pants go for it, but whatever that means for somebody, like why wait until a special occasion or somebody else to invite you to something to make that happen. Right? Right.

Meg Sullivan:       31:10         You know what’s so common with women and it’s along those same lines is that when there is a negative experience. So like when I walked in on my boyfriend, then there was porn on the computer screen and I felt awful about myself. The logical was there. The logical was saying that, no, he’s not doing this to hurt me. No, this isn’t anything against me. It’s not that something’s wrong with me. It’s not that I’m enough. The logical was they’re having that conversation, but the emotional overtook the logical. And yet with women, when it’s something good or something positive, we let the logical overtake the emotional. Which is so true. Like with all these, the clothing exercise and that type of thing, we want to be able to say, oh, I feel amazing in that, but the logical says, yeah, but you don’t have anywhere to go, so don’t get it.

Leanne:             32:06         Yes, yes. That, those two things need to learn to play better together. So true that that’s the, there needs to be some happy medium there where we can combine the two. So that just makes so much sense with what you’re doing because that’s, that’s actually what you’re doing is you’re bringing those two things together so that someone could walk out whole.

Meg Sullivan:       32:34         Absolutely. I mean the answer an easy answer as to hey, let’s just flip it. But sometimes it can be a little bit of a journey to get there.

Leanne:             32:43         Yeah, for sure. Right. Yes. You know, and, and it’s weird because we pick ourselves apart. There’s all of this self-talk going on and you guys actually put together your own clothing line.

Meg Sullivan:       32:57         We did we, yeah. We launched a clothing line called bold body monster clothing. and it’s a body positive clothing line. And it’s interesting when you were bringing up your experience in retail, because we did a lot of research to start the quote in line and there’s mantras of all different body parts, but here’s where the research came in, is that we talked to so many women to see what they’d want and what they look for in closing. You know, what, what makes them not by what makes them become raving fans and a certain brand. And when it came to close, when we got on the phone, the first thing that they would always tell us is what would I buy? Clothes. I’m always trying to hide this or, or I want to Quito, right? I want this not to be seen. And it was the first thing out of their mouth, which it sounds like is your retail experience to is give me something that can cover up this area that I don’t like, that embarrasses me, that, that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Meg Sullivan:       34:02         That’s the first thing out of their mouth. You never hear, Hey, I love my legs and I don’t care what dress you get me, but I want it to be something that makes my legs, that shows off my legs because I love my legs. You never hear that. The negative first, and so the really the point as a clothing line is to design these fun little mantras around different body parts that we struggle with, so one of them is arms of a goddess and other one is grateful for these gams which our legs and just have fun with it, have fun with it. It’s our body is our vehicle that transports us through life. So let’s stop all the negative talk and inner critic about how terrible or certain body parts are and let’s celebrate these things. Then have fun with it.

Leanne:             34:51         You’re so right. I love. I love those things. I’m like, Oh, I have to get the shirt and I love it and I know that for our male listeners out there, you guys are probably wondering like, Hey, what about me? You’re welcome to purchase one of their shirts, but at the same thing goes for men because men, after they’ve encountered things in their lives and after a breakup or things like that, we see the same things in them too. You know, I think we as women probably talk about it more. Men have like, your word quota is much shorter than ours, smaller than ours in a day. And we tend to talk a lot about everything more. that’s just the way we’re wired, but it is so important to talk about and in what you’re doing is very important because you’re not just trying to throw a template one size fits all a kind of program at people because you get to the root of the problem. And also, even though you may, people may have gone through a breakup and dropped a lot of weight, how sustainable is that if you’re not, again, taking care of all the things that go with that and, and creating a lifestyle because it’s really a lifestyle change

Life_Lafter_Divorce_quotes_ep82d_body_confidenceMeg Sullivan:       36:06         and in a way that you drop through a breakup. I mean there’s, there’s probably more than two, but there’s two that come to mind right away, so there’s the, oh my gosh, I’m so devastated and upset that I can’t even eat. That’s not sustainable and it’s not healthy. Right? So it. It might, it might feel great that, oh, I’m really depressed about this, but I can fit in my skinny jeans. It’s not going to last. There’s the other ways that you drop after a breakup, which has to do with that value or worse conversation where you saw whether it was through your own decision or somebody else’s. This wasn’t serving your. This relationship wasn’t aligned and so you start to increase your value. You start to see that you’re worth more and just like I talked about, we don’t take care of things that we don’t value.

Meg Sullivan:       36:59         We do take care of the things that we do value. We find a way to do it. We take care of the things that we value is that’s just human nature and when you know your value, you become the priority. There’s no discussion about it. It’s, it’s a, it’s a non negotiable. Yes. My mind and I don’t mean that in a bad or selfish way, but you become the priority and this relates specifically to weight loss. You don’t miss the gym because something came up at work. You don’t put something into your body that isn’t going to serve you. It’s not just a food and exercise conversation. Those are definitely action steps that can lead to that result, but when you step into the value and you know your worth, you confidently communicate what you want. You confidently communicate what you expect, what you need, and you don’t settle. You don’t live in that space where you’re continuing to devalue yourself. That makes sense. Makes

Leanne:             38:04         perfect sense. And that’s another thing that you, you look at two in your, uh, your assessment is talking about how things are handled at worth because body, body, image and how we perform at work or how we ask for raises or how we get what we think we deserve. That all comes into play there. So even outside our most intimate relationship, this carries out into the bigger scope of our world in so many ways. And I like that you talk about that in the assessment because you know, especially with a woman, we don’t feel we’re worthy of so many things that maybe men were. And not to get into that whole men woman debate, but it’s. But there’s some truth there, right? Like there’s factual numbers. You’re a numbers Gal, so I know you have. Okay.

Meg Sullivan:       38:56         About what those are

Leanne:             38:58         and how that plays out into our other relationships.

Meg Sullivan:       39:02         Yeah. So they, the net worth and that value conversation have a huge impact on the financial side of things, especially for women, for women in particular. Here’s some crazy statistics that I can throw you. So 97 percent of women lack body confidence and will actually say hateful things to themselves about their body on a daily basis. That’s 97 percent of women. So now how does that relate to the financial side of things? When you are asking for a raise or a promotion or if you’re a female entrepreneur and you’re actually charging what you’re worse, confidence is the number one factor in actually getting that, getting that raise, getting that promotion, charging what you’re worth. Now for women, body confidence is so intimately tied and connected to confidence. So let’s take a look at that for a second from a financial perspective. So 97 percent of us are lacking body confidence, which correlates with the confidence.

Meg Sullivan:       40:11         And, and here I’ll throw out a conservative statistic. It’s generally agreed that there’s a 20 percent wage gap between men and women, meaning that women are getting paid 20 percent less than men when they’re equally qualified for the same job. So let’s just use that number for conversation. I, it’s, I’m not getting into a debate about whether that should be or you know, men versus women difference, but let’s just agree for this purpose that, that there’s the 20 percent wage gap. So what that means is that 97 percent of women are under indexing their financial potential by at least 20 percent. And that’s, that’s a tragic statistic and it’s very startling and we can think, Ooh, that really hurts, but let’s actually quantify that. So what that means, and, and anybody here, you know, take your pen and pencil your calculator on your phone. You can run these numbers really easily, but what I want you to do to quantify that is to take right now your salary or your paycheck, whatever’s easier, and I want you to add 20 percent to it and get that number and see that number and then I want you to think about what could you do with 20 percent more money? Could you take more vacations? Could you buy a different home? Could you put more money into your retirement plan? Could you save more? What could you do with 20 percent more money?

Meg Sullivan:       41:56         Hmm. For? You could even say it a different way too because some people out there might be like, hey, I am so cool with my salary on fine. Who is this person? I want to meet them. Write a comment. If you are that person, here’s the other thing that you could do because money might be one thing and it’s not about the money. Really money is opportunities and experiences of life, so I saved money to quantify it, but it’s really what. What can the money provides you, which is opportunity, but here’s another way to think about it. Keep your paycheck or your salary or your client rates. Keep them exactly the same. They’re staying right where they are. And now I want you to think about working 20 percent less and getting paid that same amount of money that you’re getting paid right now. What could you do with that extra time? Could you relaxed? Would you feel less overwhelmed? Could you travel more because you spend more time with family? could you go to the gym? Maybe you’re one of those people that are like, Hey, I never have time for the gym. What could you do with 20 percent more time?

Leanne:             43:06         Right. That would be amazing. I mean I would take either more money or more time, but yeah, it makes a big difference.

Meg Sullivan:       43:15         And so when you think about this value or this conversation, sometimes I think it’s, it’s not very tangible. So it’s hard to see what it’s costing us, but, but that’s what it’s costing us. It’s costing us at least 20 percent time. Twenty percent money. Yeah, that’s huge. And that’s, that’s where, when you say that sometimes that the women in our community, it’s like, okay, this has to change right now. I’m not, I no longer accept this.

Leanne:             43:48         Fascinating. Such a good way to look at it. And it’s, it’s interesting because it goes back to your perfect example of treating a symptom of the arm instead of treat and set of going to the root of the problem of it being a heart. You know, this affects so many other things in our life, you know, our closest relationships to our way out, their relationships on so many levels. So it’s really key. I’m curious, you know, with all of our listeners, what would be your, your best advice to them if they’re, if they see the symptom of, of body confidence or. Wait.

Meg Sullivan:       44:28         So here’s, this is kind of our, one of our company mantras. This is, this cuts across all the threads of all the work that we do. But basically your body is your vehicle that transports you through life, is there to support you and the experiences of life that you choose to have. And it’s not something that’s there to hold you back and its value is not determined on its shape or its weight or its size. So start viewing your body that way. And when you start to view your body that way you become fascinated with it rather than frustrated. And for some women out there that it’s okay, you can still view your body that way and have gratitude for what your body can do and still say, yeah, that’s great, and then I still want transformation and I still want to lose weight. But viewing your body that way and having that gratitude is going to fuel that transformation rather than make that transformation difficult and struggle and unsustainable.

Meg Sullivan:       45:37          Now the other side of that is there may be looming out there who maybe they’ve been trying to lose the last 10 or 15 pounds and it’s these vanity pounds and they’re just, they’re so frustrated with it and that type of thing. And, and when you view your body as the vehicle that transports you through life, you start to see it as, wait, why am I getting so caught up in these last 10 or 15 pounds when at the end of the day my body supports me in all the life experiences that I want have. It does. So why am I so frustrated with it? Why do I have this love, hate relationship with my body? It’s doing what it’s intended to do. And so you come from a different place of view in your body and, and that, that struggle is gone and it’s replaced with gratitude.

Meg Sullivan:       46:30         Nice. I think I need to sign up for your master class going. Yeah. Yeah. I’m on board with that. So you have actually had a master class coming up. You want to tell us a little bit excited about this? Yeah. So this master class is, it’s called the three-part framework to lose weight, gain confidence, and feel vibrant again. Which is what most of us want, right? We don’t need that weight loss. We want to gain the confidence of feel vibrant again. So it’s really geared towards the professional woman. So corporate, that’s where we were. We were in corporate America. So we know that lifestyle very much the female entrepreneurs, we know that there’s a different set of demands on the women that are in that type of environment right from working late too, last minute projects to client lunches to travel. There’s just a different set of demands.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_quotes_ep82e_body_confidence

Meg Sullivan:       47:27         it’s, it’s geared towards those women. Even if you’re not a professional woman, you’re still gonna get a lot of value out of this. But in the master class we’re going to talk about the link between body confidences in your salary, which we’ve dug into a little bit here. Really look at how to adjust your behavior so that you’re not putting yourself in this position where you’re constantly self sabotaging your efforts and really how to have this vibrant life while still successfully managing your energy levels, your

stress levels, your health, and learning how to communicate so you can kind of keep those all in check. I do say balances a mess, but you want to make sure that not everything is that too far out of balance for too long. And so those are really the areas that we’re going to look at in this master class and it’s, we have a couple different presentations of it. So there’s gonna be three different time slots. The first one is on September 10th and there should be something that hopefully fits your schedule. w we reached out to her audience and they said, hey, we want to be a part of that, but sometimes the time doesn’t work for us, so be listened and were able to find three different time slots here. So it’s same presentation, but you can grab it at different times.

Leanne:             48:46         That’s fantastic. And this is free, right? Yeah, it’s all free. This is a win win. So you know, why wouldn’t you is my question. That’s a no brainer. So I’m going to make sure that we put your links to the free Webinar, the master class in the show notes. We’ll also post them on social media and the show notes are located on our website, so that will be everywhere available to everyone to grab a spot in that you won’t want to miss it. I think what you guys are doing is really cool and if you’re not sure this Webinar’s for you, uh, I already checked out the net worth body assessment and it’s really a great quiz. I call it a quiz. It’s a great assessment to take because it’s very eye opening, so if you’re not sure, feel free to check that out. I’ll put the link to that in there as well. This has been great. Meg?

Meg Sullivan:       49:42         Yes. Thank you for having me. It’s been so much fun.

Leanne:             49:45         You’re welcome. I love it. I love it all. Love what you ladies are doing. And I, I can’t wait to attend the master class. I’m already enrolled so I’ll be reporting back.

Meg Sullivan:       49:57         Oh perfect. And I’ll see you there. Thank you.Life_Lafter_Divorce_quotes_ep82f_body_confidence

Tweetables:

Tweet: “We don’t take care of things that we don’t value.” – Meg Sulivan, ep82 #truthbomb #transformationaltuesday #bodyimage #relationships #quotes

Tweet: “97% of women lack body confidence and will actually say hateful things to themselves about their body on a daily basis.” Meg Sulivan, ep82 #truthbomb #transformationaltuesday #bodyimage #relationships #quotes

Tweet: Body shame costs 97% of women money & happiness. Are YOU one of them? Take this quiz and find out! https://bodyloveclass.lpages.co/net-body-worth-quiz/ #bodyimage #quiz #transformationaltuesday @relationships #selfcare

Tweet: What could you do with 20 percent more money? Could you take more vacations? Could you buy a different home? Could you put more money into your retirement plan? Could you save more? What could you do with 20 percent more money? #money

Links: 
www.enlitenedlife.com
www.joininthemovment.com
www.theweightlossmasterclass.com
www.boldbodymantra.com,
Facebook enlitenedlife
Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1876039632624713/,
Instagram enlitenedlife and boldbodymantraclothing
www.lifelafterdivorce.com
www.twitter.com/lafterdivorce
https://www.facebook.com/LifeLafterDivorce/
https://www.instagram.com/lifelafterdivorce/

Please follow and like us:
Share this Post:

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>
*
*