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Episode 084: Brazil, Missing Husband, Ohio, Cops, Rajneesh, & Geddy Lee
Episode 084: Brazil, Missing Husband, Ohio, Cops, Rajneesh, & Geddy Lee with special guest Kathleen Parsons
After leaving home at the age of 14, Kathleen Parsons set out for a life of adventure. She found love in Hawaii, peace in Brazil, husband in San Francisco and a place in the Wild Wild Country (yes, we’re talking about Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh). Kathleen’s story is filled with laughter and Leanne and The Boyfriend have SOoooo many questions!
Leanne: 00:07 Welcome to Life Lafter Divorce Podcast, episode 84. I am your host Leanne Linsky.
The Boyfriend: 00:12 I’m the boyfriend.
Leanne: 00:14 Welcome back for another wonderful Week of divorce. We’re happy to be here. As always, and while you’re out there tuning in and by tuning in, I mean touching your touchscreen appropriately. Of course, make sure that you rate, review and subscribe and check out the website at lifeLafter divorce.com. We have an online store and you can book Your Free Life Coaching session with me, so make sure you get it while it’s hot,
The Boyfriend: 00:41 it’s hot like temperature hot or what? What’s going on there?
Leanne: 00:45 It’s as hot as our candles when you set them on fire, make sure you do that. Unless of course you’re driving. Here’s our PSA for the week. Don’t text and drive. Don’t do any of that. I have a question for you. Have you ever dated anybody, outside of this country?
The Boyfriend: 01:05 Have I ever dated anybody outside of this country? Like literally went out on a date with somebody in another country?
Leanne: 01:13 No. Like had a relationship with somebody from another country that doesn’t live here permanently in the states.
The Boyfriend: 01:20 Oh, okay. So I’ve dated other people from other countries, but I’ve not had a significant relationship with someone from, other than the U. s yes.
Leanne: 01:30 Okay. Yeah. Because some are, you know, and I don’t believe I have. Think back my to my past. No, I don’t think I have. No. no. I haven’t. I mean we’ve had some guests on in the past who have, who are from other countries or dated internationally, but that’s not something that I’ve ever done. In fact, I find it challenging to date somebody outside my zip code. Do you know what I mean? I have dated long distance that never worked out. I dated cross country from east coast to west coast. That was terrifying. I dated from New York to Oklahoma. Right. There you go. That answered that.
The Boyfriend: 02:19 Think the furthest I’ve ever done is 90 miles.
Leanne: 02:22 Really? Yeah. See. And what was I thinking? Either time because like just living in New York, you can’t, you can’t date someone outside of your own borough. Do you live in Brooklyn? You date in Brooklyn? If you live in Queens, you dating queens, if you’re in Manhattan, you know, like if you live in the bronx, you’re not going to date someone on Stanton island or you are good luck, you’re going to be most of your time on the subway or the ferry, but that just seems crazy. Right? So what was I thinking? Dating somebody, you know, thousands of miles away from a different state, like that’s challenging in itself. So I can’t imagine dating someone internationally, plus not only just the travel and the expenses of the travel, but also in countries where you don’t speak the same language unless you’re both like fairly fluent in the language. I think that that, that would be important. Right?
The Boyfriend: 03:15 Ramifications important. We’ve discussed that.
Leanne: 03:17 Yeah, I mean that would be like really super helpful.
The Boyfriend: 03:21 Yeah. But, but, but from the flip side of that, there’s also the allure of it – of dating a foreigner.
Leanne: 03:28 It is very exciting, adventurous, very sexy. you know, and like if there’s a chemistry, I mean that just adds more fuel to that fire. Right? Right. So I totally get it
The Boyfriend: 03:41 in this dating to get into an actual relationship though, that there are lots of rules and things that you’ve got to think about which are kind of hard to manage.
Leanne: 03:52 Well because there’s the legalities of it. The actual law, because they’re different from country to country,
The Boyfriend: 03:59 right? Version matter for relationship, unless you’re living there. So if you move there, there’s visas in and living in work visas. Can you get a work visa if you’re there for some with somebody. I don’t know what they are. I know our country has some interesting laws for that
Leanne: 04:14 and it’s just not something that you inherently know. It’s something that you find out as you step into something like that and then you try and figure it out and then you reach out and ask for help and ask people
The Boyfriend: 04:27 don’t let your reserve run out.
Leanne: 04:28 Right? Or you learn the hard way. But because that’s just something we, we figured out now if we were, if now if we were in Europe and we were, you know, from a European country or another country, we’d probably have more know how when it comes to stuff like that because maybe it’s the possibility because, you know, I think about the Times I’ve traveled in Europe, it’s like traveling from state to state, it’s, you know, smaller areas,
The Boyfriend: 05:00 well, smaller areas, but the borders are now open so you can just go across the border without having to go through the whole custom things for every country at least. So it’s very different than what it was 20 years old years ago.
Leanne: 05:14 So it is very different. And then in some countries it’s, it’s easier than others, but you’d have to know. Right, right. So, so yeah, I’m just always very curious about like how does that work, you know, once you get through all of the excitement and then you have to figure out the logistics. I’m gonna
The Boyfriend: 05:35 uneducated with an uneducated guests here. Just say the excitement. Great. And it probably makes these relationships last for a short term. But then when you get into these logistics it can be difficult and especially the language if you don’t speak fluently,
Leanne: 05:53 especially. Okay. So here’s my thing. Like let’s say I fell in love with somebody in another country, first of all, boyfriend, you’d be very upset. Sorry. But let’s say I don’t really grinds at me. So say like for example, one of us had a relationship with somebody in another country and we decided to pick up and move, like how does that happen? And then also you don’t know anybody there,
Leanne: 06:19 it’s hard moving just from, you know, it can be challenging moving from state to state and not knowing so many. Could you imagine going somewhere in that knowing like the language and the culture and your way around. And it could be fun, could be fun, it could be exciting. And that’s why I really enjoyed talking to this week’s guest because she is really fun and she just really exciting, adventurous, very adventurous. I mean that’s like an understatement of the year. So this week’s guest, she is a long beach, a local. She is a stand up comedian. I’ve seen her perform. Yes you have. She’s when I was producing shy, she was in our show. She’s a very funny woman. She calls herself a laugh artists and I can’t wait for you guys to hear her story. It is really incredible. And the second half boyfriend the second. So the first half we get into some of her relationships, but the second half is just. Wow. Wow. The boyfriend and I are still talking about it and Kathleen, she was a. she’s so much fun. You’ll get that really quick. So I’d like you to meet Kathleen Parsons. Without further ado,
Leanne: 07:43 Kathleen, welcome to life lafter divorce Podcast.
Kathleen: 07:45 Thank you for having me. Ms Leanne.
Leanne: 07:48 Yes. We’re very happy to be here. Boyfriends here again because we’re doing another one in person,
The Boyfriend: 07:53 another live interview.
Kathleen: 07:55 I actually thought he didn’t exist. You call him boyfriend. So good to know you exist. my man.
Leanne: 08:01 he likes his anonymity. Most people around me do like their anonymity. Yeah.
Kathleen: 08:06 Yeah. She sounds like trouble.
The Boyfriend: 08:07 She has a blogger called anonymous.
Leanne: 08:12 Nobody has any idea who that is
Kathleen: 08:14 because she beats her children on a regular basis and doesn’t want anybody to call. What is it? That’s PCA, right?
Leanne: 08:22 You get, she doesn’t want identity theft on the internet. Yes. Everybody used fake names. So yeah. We’re excited to have you here. And I’ve been wanting to talk to you because we met a while back a couple years ago when I was producing a show over here in a second street, right?
Kathleen: 08:40 Yes. And I thank you for. That was my coming out California show because I used to live here, move to the mountains, did a bunch of shows up there. They still exist. Check out the Egyptian theater anyway. and so my first show is with you and I got to walk to the show. That was the most exciting part about it. I swore I was going to get hammered just for, because I could and
Leanne: 09:03 it was 25 miles so you totally could have you live right down the street.
Kathleen: 09:08 And it was awesome.
Leanne: 09:10 That was fun and well that’s good to know. Is your coming out party and I’m glad to hear you were. You were just sharing with your website, you a very secret so you’re coming out. You have kept a secret.
Kathleen: 09:22 It’s all a big secret where I do my shows when I do my shows. I don’t even know actually when I’m doing this
Leanne: 09:30 and we’re laughing about this because Kathleen was just telling us that she had booked a show and it’s at a secret venue. Open only to VIP invite only guest.
Kathleen: 09:41 That is correct. But you know in la they say things to you like you know this when you’re a comic, people will say, you mean like in front of people on a stage and I think so myself, no. What do you think? I mean in my shower and I go on tour and I do the living room, so that’s Kinda my thing. We’re going to be on tour in the living room. I guess the super secret
Leanne: 10:04 and usually the next response people give. Well people at work tell him I’m funny. I’m funny all the time when we go out for drinks,
Kathleen: 10:10 that’s the guy that’s never funny. On stage, correct?
Leanne: 10:13 Yes. Or on a date.
Kathleen: 10:17 That sounds like you have a little experience there my dear.
Leanne: 10:20 and tell the boyfriend he hilarious.
The Boyfriend: 10:22 Oh, I’m not funny
Kathleen: 10:26 I noticed you have an off button for as Mike right there at your fingertips. So in case he’s not funny.
Leanne: 10:32 Yeah. And He, I get the off button for on the podcast. He gets the off button for me
Kathleen: 10:37 in real life
Leanne: 10:38 and real life.
Kathleen: 10:39 Listen, you better share that with every man on the planet. He wants to know where is that button? I think there’s batteries required though and some inserting. I’m just guessing right?
Leanne: 10:50 Somewhere behind the back of the hair. So. So you been married before?
Kathleen: 10:58 Yes, sort of a tricky question. You know, I, I’m officially, I guess I’m still married, although I haven’t seen the guy in 20 some years.
Leanne: 11:09 So it’s worked out really well.
Kathleen: 11:12 I say all the time. The secret to a long marriage is to have your husband live in another country with his other wife. So that works out real well.
Leanne: 11:21 So is he remarried?
Kathleen: 11:22 You know, I heard he was, but I haven’t seen him in a really long time. It was a matter of fact. I would divorce him, but I’m not sure I know his real name, and I can’t find the guy.
Leanne: 11:36 So here’s what we’re doing going back in time to do it. Let’s go back to the beginning. Okay. So you’re a single Kathleen, like quite a few years ago. You met him,
Kathleen: 11:48 you know, I lived in San Francisco and it seemed like all my friends were from another country and all anybody could talk about was the acquirement of the green card. And I actually thought that I needed one by the time I turned 21, I kid you not, I was convinced. I was like, oh my God, I gotta get a green card. How come I don’t know about this?
Kathleen: 12:10 And so I’m married, this Brazilian who happened to me, my boyfriend, and he was super hot and hey, you know.
Leanne: 12:18 Okay. How old were you?
Kathleen: 12:20 Probably 24.
Leanne: 12:22 Okay. So you got married at 24 years and he did. And how long. Okay. Where did you meet him? In the circle of friends where everybody was from another country.
Kathleen: 12:30 That’s an even better story. we went to see the red hot chili peppers that the stone back in the day when they first started and I couldn’t stand them. I’m sorry. I love you guys now. Red Hot Chili peppers, love, love, love. But man, it was like a mosh pit. Never seen such a thing. So I wandered out across this treatment to a strip club and there he was onstage.
Leanne: 12:52 Oh.
Kathleen: 12:53 So I went and got $100 in 20’s and put it in his g-string and then told him he had to give it back to me after the show. He did, you know, he cost me millions of dollars in the end. The man still owes me like 20 grand, but you know, that’s beside the point. So that is the beginning of our long and torrid romance and relationship. Yeah, that’s pretty romantic. Yeah.
Leanne: 13:22 So okay. So you met, he ended up, you give them 100 bucks in twenties. He gives it back to you. You start dating, I guess.
Kathleen: 13:29 You know what’s really funny about that is God, you’re bringing it all up. I lived on Haight street and we went to a neighbor’s house on Haight street and I walked in and there he was prancing around the house once again, naked and he,
Leanne: 13:44 at your neighbor’s house,
Kathleen: 13:45 you know, that happened a lot. It’s a street, you know, people are naked and hanging upside down and doing yoga and whatever on the roof, whatever. did I mention it was Haight and Ashbury and yeah, so he was at this party and flitting around and probably has some party glitter that he wanted to favor upon me and I tried to resist him. He was so adorable. I just couldn’t believe it was a real and yeah, it didn’t take much longer before we ended up living together.
Leanne: 14:19 Wow. So, so you ended up living. How long did you live together before you married?
Kathleen: 14:23 A couple of years, but we actually went to Brazil together kind of on the whim and I stayed there until I got deported. So we were there about a year and that was fantastic. I call myself an official waterfall hunter. That was my job while I was there, but
Leanne: 14:41 okay, what did you do as a waterfall hunter?
Kathleen: 14:43 But we don’t. We did, it was just like bar or somebody’s motorcycle and go out in the jungle and find some trail and I have a really good sense of finding waterfalls or he made me think that and he already knew where they were. So we would go travel around and find out waterfall and that’s what we did all day every day for like a year.
Leanne: 15:01 You didn’t work well, the boyfriend and I are like how do we get that life?
Kathleen: 15:06 Back then they had thing called Zeros and then it switched. Trick knows, but either way the dollar. We took like a stack of hundies and I’m telling you I live for a year on like $800 and I bought all kinds of stuff. Mostly the food because I wanted to try everything. The crazy juices and the fruits and you know, that kind of thing. So yeah, it didn’t. Yeah. You just go to the local little grocery guy and that’s considered the black market. They’re happy to see dollars. So they give you your change back and the longer you hold onto the dollar, that’s how we made our money.
Leanne: 15:41 Wow. Yeah. What a life. So he did that for a year and then how did you end up getting deported? Well, I see there’s a story here. You know, we have boyfriends, wheels turning. I don’t even know if this is interesting actually.
Kathleen: 16:00 See, it’s just a damn. My wife for me, I mean I’ll just tell you what happened last week and later, but what happened? Oh, so we’d been there for a minute and to do. Oh my God, you guys think the DMV here is bad. You should do that shit in Brazil. Okay man.
Leanne: 16:15 Everybody’s, everybody hanging upside down
Kathleen: 16:17 and they get to go to lunch and they’re hanging. They never come back. It’s like. So we would live. We lived like up in the mountains. That was my favorite place because that’s where the good waterfalls are. We take a bus for like 10 hours, come down to Rio to do the paperwork because now we’re going to, we’re going to become dual citizens and then we’ll do our paperwork there instead of in America, you know. So every appointment we had, we are missing a paper, we’d have to go back up the mountain, mail it. I mean, it was like they had telephones that were like one ringy dingy, the lady plugged into the thing and they came and got me and two hours later. So, I thought, you know, I should probably check on my plane ticket and see what’s going on with that. And it was a day before it expired and it was 400 American dollars to change it or do anything. And as I told you, that’s a lot of money there as you know. And I couldn’t change it. And then. So if I had to get on this plane and leave my dog and my man, I’m my waterfalls and my new life, I mean I would have stayed forever probably. So I go to look at my passport and my passport expired and I thought, man, I don’t want to miss this plane because that’s not going to be a good thing. So I turned myself into the federal-ales. They fingerprints me, they tell me I have 24 hours to get out of the country with a stamp, my passport, my virgin passport that had no stamps on it, now says deportation home all over it. And I’m finger printed me and told me I had 24 hours get out. And I was like, here’s my plane ticket. I’m leaving. Don’t come after me. Apparently to this day I still owed the Brazilian government 2000 Kunas Xarelto’s, which I’m sure they have no clue about until they hear this podcast. You know we’re talking about before computers. God, I’m old.
Leanne: 18:03 Oh, what? My mind just explode.
Kathleen: 18:08 I know sheesh. You guys have really. I’m not that old. I look great for 70 though. Don’t you think so?
Leanne: 18:14 Holy Crap. So did he. He didn’t come back with you.
Kathleen: 18:20 That’s a whole another. Go had a boyfriend.
The Boyfriend: 18:24 So you come back by yourself, you stays. And is that the last time you see him?
Kathleen: 18:27 No, obviously not. It gets better as it gets worse. he, he seemed to think he was some kind of drug dealer and he was as best client and he never made any money. So when I got to America, when I went to get on that plane, he said we’re going to sell everything and he did and we had millions, millions of Zeros and he’s going to buy some cocaine and I’m going to get on the plane with this. This is his plan. I’m going to get on the plane with this. Now I can lie, but I can’t lie for my life, you know, when I’m alone. So, God man, he was Brazilian and couldn’t score cocaine and Rio de Janeiro, there’s a sign. You’re a bad drug dealer. I’m just saying. So he gets all this stuff and I kept making it. I made this deal with them. I was like, listen man, here’s the deal. If he get it and I do any, I can’t carry it. If you get it. And I don’t do any. Oh sure. I’d be happy to jam my cavities full of Ed carried across the board of, for Ya. So guess what? I did the mud. He got snipped up a few lines and said, oh my God, I can’t carry anything. And sure enough when I got to the airport they held that plane so they could search me high and low. Like they just knew it was fricking amped up and ready to go and did. So did he get on the plane also? No, I mean I got on the plane by myself. Okay. So cut to like six months later he ends up in America. My Mom’s house. We’re in Ohio. God, this is also incriminating, isn’t it? These are all fictional names. Okay. So he comes to my mother’s house finally and then starts, wants to get the stuff sentence again with the thing. Let’s get some stuff. Sent some illegal activity sent in the federal mail to my mother’s house. I am not having any of those, but I can’t convince this guy. I’m like, look man, I can’t keep doing this. You’re going to get caught. And I’m going to say, I told you so and it’s going to be over. So guess what? He did got some stuff sent to my mother’s house, dead of winter. We’re sitting there and we lived on this corner and my mom goes, who were these strange men surrounding that house? No. Has like 18 units pull up all over the place. So I know what’s happening. I need say go get rid of it. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Kathleen: 21:00 I don’t care what you’re doing, asshole. Flush it, you know. And he comes back down, we’re coming down the stairs at the same time. And I’m like, I didn’t hear the toilet flush. This is all you dude, this is all ego. And sure enough they dragged him away. And that was the last time I ever saw,
Leanne & The BF: 21:17 whoa.
Kathleen: 21:18 I flew to San Francisco, send a bunch of money back for his lawyer. But you know, at that point it was over. And I was like, man, come on dude, maybe hang out with you for good coke dealer. But you’re a shitty dealer.
Leanne: 21:30 So what? Nothing happened to you or your mom?
Kathleen: 21:32 No, because you know, it was him, he took it like I told him to. It’s all you and my poor mother, she thought he was the sweetest thing. So He’s, he was a sweetheart, but you know, dumb as a box of rocks and when it comes to that kind of thing.
The Boyfriend: 21:49 So that was the last time you saw them when the federal rallies took them away.
Kathleen: 21:56 Solomon Gel. I mean, I felt so bad because, you know, my mom’s house could be in jeopardy, so I took off and went to San Francisco and just like rounded up funds quickly and say, you know, I’m living on a floor just so I could get him some money and you know, he wanted to, there was no way he was getting out of it. I mean, he didn’t even finalize the mayor is already then on all of this. that happens I think before Brazil. And the weird thing about that is my mom’s room. Yes, yes, of course. Because we were there to do the paperwork. Yes. Yes. It’s all coming back to me. So I. do you know who Frank Lloyd Wright is? The architect, so my mom’s a big fan of, she has this coffee table book and I’m flipping through it and like, Dang, that building looks familiar.
Kathleen: 22:46 Civic Center, San Rafael was like, oh my God, I got married there. That’s where he got married. Frank Lloyd Wright and me. We got something going on.
Leanne: 22:54 Which place in San Rafael?
Kathleen: 22:56 The civic center. It was designed and built, I guess you could say by Frank Lloyd Wright. So have a little historic connection. Boyfriend’s still don’t put guy. Oh, let me just say this.
The Boyfriend: 23:10 You’re in San Francisco sending money back to him. Is he in Ohio? Where in Ohio?
Kathleen: 23:16 Only the dumb ass got the phone number for his lawyer off the inside of the jail wall, which I’m just going to guess is a bad recommendation. A
Leanne: 23:28 wow. And you never heard from him. So you send money. Do you know if he even received it?
The Boyfriend: 23:33 What did he go? How long do they spend in prison?
Kathleen: 23:37 He was in county jail awaiting some kind of trial and gosh, I don’t know, a couple months. And I think they just, I think his lawyer cut some kind of deal where the best way out of it for him was to just flee the country as a matter of fact that government might even have paid for his ticket because I didn’t, at least, I don’t know if I did. I don’t know.
The Boyfriend: 24:01 Wow. So, so, so he was there for a couple months and then you assume or think that he went back to Brazil and
Kathleen: 24:09 that was deported? Official it in hearsay. Like I thought my passport had a lot of stamps on it. I’m sure his was just fricking blacked out. So I’d love to find them though. Hey. Oh, I shouldn’t say his name. No, still the (blank) itself does, you will say male spores.
Kathleen: 24:37 That’s Portuguese. Very mushy baby are still my husband.
Leanne: 24:40 Okay. So you married him, you still have your marriage certificate and everything.
Kathleen: 24:44 You know, it comes in handy when you’re buying car insurance. They give you a marriage discount and the guy never believes me on the phone. He’s like, are you married? I’m like, no. And then like halfway through the conversation, I’m like, wait, wait, wait. I am married. I’m like, bullshit. Send some paperwork over. Yes, I have a marriage certificate. All right. So he, we don’t know where he is. I’m sure he’s on Facebook. A timestamp on this. How long was this from when you guys met? Like, was this like four years later? So you knew him, got married, you went to Brazil for a year, came back like a decade. And this guy, what was going on? We left the country when we ended up back in Ohio.
Kathleen: 25:24 we’d gone some other places like we went to Hawaii for awhile and came back. so how long were we together? Kind of clueless. Like maybe four years at the Max. Yeah, that’s a wild for you. Okay. So you ended up going back to San Francisco. You’re sleeping on a friend’s floor, you’re sending some money back. You don’t ever see him again, then move onto the next husband. Now I’m still auditioning for that. By the way. Did I mention in my. Well I should give a website or something. Yeah, we need to talk. You asked me if I had an Instagram and I was thinking no, but I have insta kilos.
Leanne: 26:12 What about when? So, so you ended up in San Francisco. How long did you stay out there or you’re still married? So you just forgot about it?
Kathleen: 26:21 You know girl. The truth is I don’t really believe in marriage, so it all means nothing. Here’s the deal with that.
Leanne: 26:28 Except car insurance.
Kathleen: 26:29 Okay. Here’s the deal. And My, and my and her boyfriend’s going to agree with me. Okay. So marriage is based on trust, correct? Yeah. Now what is the first thing you do when you get married? You sign a contract, otherwise known as a marriage certificate. Now here’s my thinking. If I really trust somebody, sign a contract with you, I trust you. So marriage is bullshit. So here’s what I want to do. The next time I get married, I want to do like I want to have that wedding with the white dress and the whole deal only. I’m not gonna tell anybody it’s not for real. And the only difference will be, it’s kind of like your show, but my outbound, she seen my act actually. So. So when the, when the priest or preacher or Buddha, her wherever I got assigned to the task says, do you take this, this man? I just whispered. No. And he says no. And you may now kiss the bride and we collect all the gifts and go off on a honeymoon and big joke’s on you. We’re not really married.
Kathleen: 27:30 Right. I guess I got to get divorced first though. Before the next round.
Leanne: 27:35 Well not if you’re just doing it that way. You don’t have to be the chorus.
Kathleen: 27:38 Yeah. All right.
Leanne: 27:40 Yeah. Now what if he’s out doing all kinds of stuff? If you’re still married, are you financially or legally obligated in any way to something he may be doing?
Kathleen: 27:52 It depends on which name is doing it under, you know, like, uh. I don’t know. I never thought about that. The reason I think I should get divorced pretty soon just because I want to buy some property. Like I don’t know where this guy is. To be honest with you. I don’t know if he’s still alive. I kind of like a 50 slash 50. I’m thinking on that. I just a gut feeling. I’d love to find him, but you know, my luck. I buy some property. Here he comes. He’s like, give me half of that.
Leanne: 28:19 Yeah. Well, okay. So have you even done a search on it? Google or
Kathleen: 28:24 you know, there’s a Facebook in Brazil that’s as far as I’ve gone. It’s called the Oracle. And if anybody has any tips on how does, how do you.
Leanne: 28:36 So do they have real Facebook in Brazil?
Kathleen: 28:40 Ah, yes. Yeah. So what? Some Portuguese, my Portuguese is not that great. But his family owned a really big farm and I tried to go this huge farm. I’d been, they’re really beautiful and big and like been there for 200 years so I try to do a little research on that. Even in Kinda came up empty handed. So is it a coke farm?
Leanne: 29:12 So you really haven’t really attempted to do this. How did he end up? You mentioned you cost you thousands if not millions.
Kathleen: 29:19 Not Millions, but tens of, probably tens of thousands when I sent all that money back for the lawyer and the, and then my mother years later told me, and, and also because he was, I think he got out and he spent somebody who was in her house awaiting trial and you know, my mom charged me read shit when she charged me womb. We’re at when I was in the gut, so womb rent. So I sent money back with the purpose of him to give her money also for being at our house. Like 20 years later she said to me, you know, he never gave me any money.
Leanne: 29:56 And this surprised you?
Kathleen: 30:00 A little slippery. That one.
Leanne: 30:02 Yeah. So what happens, what? Okay. So then eventually he went somewhere and then you went your way. What did you end up? What have you been doing? What does your life look like?
Kathleen: 30:13 Oh, you know, I’m still auditioning. life doesn’t end after divorce. I think that should be the name of the show. I’m just, feels like I have dated many. I’ve never gotten remarried, of course, because I don’t believe in it. And I’m still married now, that’s a tough one to explain on a bumble date and just over coffee and you know, I mean, they’re like, you know, how do you throw that out? And the fear is what if I’m hanging out with you for awhile and some relationship evolves and now I have to explain to you that I had been married, but I didn’t tell you this sooner, right?
Kathleen: 30:49 So I’m like, man, this is tough. So we try to throw it on the table, like on the first date, maybe that’s why I don’t get that second day. I’m like, oh by the way, I’m still married and I’m a polygamist and Oh never mind did I mentioned I used to be even weirder. If you’re just like, ah, whatever. Then if you say I was married and they say, what happened to your husband? You know, I don’t know. He just mysteriously disappeared. That also is Hashtag you will hear it was, here’s my thought on a way to get my money back. So we think the law is, if they can’t find someone for seven years, they declare them dead. So I’m like, man, I should take out a life insurance policy on my husband. Oh. And then seven years later and be like, well, what do you think that’s worth a quarter mill? may have been worth a lot more if you had done it when I actually knew his social security number and Israel name. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. So it’s weird. So when, how, what does it, I can only imagine some of the conversations you’ve had on a first date with somebody over this. What’s the weirdest one?
Kathleen: 31:59 You know, that’s always hard to talk about, but, you know, I started seeing some guy recently and let’s just call rugby guy. Okay. Rugby guy met him in a par Kivas chat me up. So I did what the comics there was like, you should come to my comedy show because you get more stage time, the more people you have. That’s what I like where you’re going with that. But I was thinking boyfriend, I can get your number. So that’s my, that’s my angle. Yeah. So we chat each other up and this goes on for a little while and then he says something about a, he can’t have a drink with me because his girlfriend wouldn’t like it and you know, next thing I know he’s wants to go out on a date. So we’re actually seeing each other for a little minute, month and a half.
Kathleen: 32:49 It’s all going well until I get a text from his girlfriend who tells me, Oh, it gets better that he escaped rehab to hang out with me. Meanwhile he’s at my house getting hammered. Now, you know, I may drink a little bit, but if you’re sneaking out of rehabs and drink with me, I’m more offended by that. And the fact that human girlfriend and I don’t want to mess up and give you your chip back and all that. Right? Let’s stay sober. So this girl texts me, unbeknownst to me and she’s saying really sad things. Like if he admits it all, take him back. Boyfriend is that some his eyebrows shot up to the ceiling is programmed in the wrong direction. So it was all I could do to not send this text back to her. Are you ready? Yeah. What about the baby? Oh, I so wanted to. She know it ain’t her fault. She’s clearly got some issues. Yeah. But yeah. He just never. And I met this guy in person. Wasn’t even from the Internet.
Leanne: 33:59 Yeah. Was it a park here in Long Beach?
Kathleen: 34:01 It was.
Kathleen: 34:06 Oh my God. Did you know? Okay. Note to self don’t Horny quarter I guess is a great place to meet Dude’s
Leanne: 34:14 Oh really?
Kathleen: 34:15 That like other dudes,
Leanne: 34:19 just for our listeners, there’s a place in Long Beach called the horny corner.
Kathleen: 34:23 Google calls it that. It’s officially called look it up right now for any corner.
Leanne: 34:27 Yeah. Check it out. You guys. It’s a real place we bought. We’ve all been there. We drive by it all the time.
Kathleen: 34:34 Been there girl, and by then they’re running boyfriends right now I’m currently. Oh No. I got a little mixed. You know, I I have this Mexican musician, I’ve got this Argentinian artist I see, but when we’re only looking for is I like a nice Jewish boy. Yeah. I do really, I do, I love a guy that loves his mama, but more importantly when you’re making out with a Jewish guy, there’s never a Jesus in the room watching, you know, that picture where he follows you around the room.
Kathleen: 35:13 Now there’s a good chance as mom may come down to his room. Right. Don’t be a Jesus. Seriously. Not even a nice Jewish boy. Seriously. Do you have any requirements or you’re not picky? He now I don’t really know. I know what I like. I know what I like when I like it when I see it, but I have some kind of bizarre tastes. Like I’m not really into blue, white, red hair, white girl. So I kinda like, darkened swarthy.
Leanne: 35:42 Okay. Yeah. Do you like funny guy? Serious guys.
Kathleen: 35:46 Funny guys.
Leanne: 35:47 do you think of when I’m thinking boyfriend?
Kathleen: 35:50 Oh, you guys someone?
Leanne: 35:51 Yeah. Our previous guest Vic Cohen.
Kathleen: 35:55 Does he live with his mom? No, he do
Leanne: 35:57 does he live in his mom’s basement? damage, but he loves his mom and he’s fantastic and he’s hilarious. And he’s Jewish.
Kathleen: 36:02 Is he a doctor?
Leanne: 36:03 No, he’s a Comic. He’s a comedian.
Kathleen: 36:07 We have trouble. Yes.
Leanne: 36:10 When you put two comedians together,
Kathleen: 36:11 you know, here’s the problem with that. You date a comic and next thing you know you go to do that free bringer, open mic and the guy that controls that, your ex boyfriend and won’t let you get up and do your three minute saying it. I’m paid good money to be your bitch. Let me have my three minutes. Yeah. So. So what apps are you on? Are you on dating apps? Bumble. I’m on us bank and ADP and whether the weather is my favorite. Favorite modern hikers grid too. I liked that. Modern Hybrid. Oh, I did to try to do a little bumble, but God Dang, I tried that. Plenty of fish. I ended up with fish with mercury poisoning.
Kathleen: 36:58 I’m afraid the bees are going to be extinct if I go in there. So.
Leanne: 37:02 Oh my God, I will never forget my first boyfriend and I ever had said he’d get things mixed up and he said, well there’s plenty of fish in the boat.
Kathleen: 37:12 I don’t think those are the ones I want. Is He a rock scientist? How did you guys meet
Leanne & The BF: 37:21 Starbucks?
Kathleen: 37:22 Is that an APP? Is that a dating site?
Leanne: 37:26 It’s a physical dating site. Yeah. This one right over here. Right over here on second.
Kathleen: 37:32 And you’re a straight man in Belmont shore. Give it up, ladies and gentlemen. You know, maybe the reason I’m not scoring as I have this water bottle in my hand right now that says I love beaver. It’s a town in Utah. And then I have the scarf that I wear a lot and it’s a shock or a scarf, so it has all the colors of the rainbow. So walking around the neighborhood with the rainbow scarf and a water bottle that says, I love beaver and I wonder why the law people think I’m a lesbian. That could be it. Yeah, well maybe I should try that. New Orleans. Nice Brazilian girl. So what can you get a green card?
Leanne: 38:11 So if you have any plans to to locate our mystery husband.
Kathleen: 38:16 God, I really don’t have any idea how to do that, but I’ve been feeling lately. I feel like I should find it and to be honest with you, I would go back to Brazil in a heartbeat to him. Not necessarily the habit loop really ruled it out, but the country is so phenomenal. Well, it was when I was there and the people are just wonderful. I’m not a big fan of say like Rio, as a matter of fact. It’s filthy Ipanema and Copacabana. Filthy. Thank you. EPA. Brazil. But the mountains and the people are just wonderful and you know, I don’t mind being on a waterfall hunter again. Yeah, that would not be a problem. Do you, have you had any longterm relationship since then that you want to share about doctor? I don’t want to talk about. No. Dated a doctor.
Kathleen: 39:08 I think you’re getting to the heart of the matter here. Doctor. no, I have not had any longterm relationships. I’ve had some crushes. I have a tendency to like artistic musicians.
Leanne: 39:20 Oh yeah. Oh musician.
Kathleen: 39:21 I liked musicians.
Leanne: 39:22 Oh, well this explains why there’s no longterm relationships.
Kathleen: 39:26 Same thing as a comic, right? Only with nowhere to live. Right. What’s the joke? Would he call a musician without a girlfriend? Homeless? yeah. So do you know who my big crushes. Do you guys? Anybody know who rushes the bands around? Getty Lee? Oh my God. My heartbeat’s since I was 15 years old, I have had the biggest crush on Geddy Lee.
The Boyfriend: 39:53 So He’s, he’s an interesting looking man.
Kathleen: 39:55 Very nice way to say it. He’s a very interesting looking guy. So maybe that’s where the Jewish guy thing came in and, and I like the beady eyes like that and kind of a hooky knows.
Leanne: 40:05 Yeah, we know your type. Okay.
Kathleen: 40:12 I have some good kissable lips though. You know what I’m saying? Right, right. So yeah, or Brazilians. I’m taking applications for Brazilians.
The Boyfriend: 40:19 Brazilian Geddy lee.
Kathleen: 40:22 Lee Resilient. Getty Lee. Oh God. Are you? You’re listening right now. Resilient. Getty. Lee. That I will create a Facebook just to lure you in. Drug you to do you.
Leanne: 40:39 Oh my God. What’d you. So you already talked about the fact that if you remarry, it’s going to be like a secret non marriage.
Kathleen: 40:48 God look at me and all these secrets, but you’re getting them all out of me today.
Leanne: 40:51 Yeah. They’re not secrets anymore accountable.
Kathleen: 40:53 You know, I don’t talk about half this stuff on stage and like guy, just there’s some things that everybody needs.
Leanne: 40:58 Is there anything else that people don’t need to know about you?
Kathleen: 41:00 Oh my God. Okay. So yes. did anybody see wild, wild country? Yes. I was one of those people really. My mentioned it earlier and I wasn’t my spiritual name that was given to me by the man I still love today named Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. And it was not a call. Bhagwan was a philosopher who ended up. Is this the.
Leanne: 41:26 Oh, this is wild.
Kathleen: 41:28 So my Rashneesh name, I can tell you that a lot of my friends know me by my Rajneeshi.
Kathleen: 41:33 It’s Viets Kalpana, which means beyond imagination. And that was given to me by NGO Bhagwan when I went to the compounds for the first time when they had the tents, it was the first festival about 100,000 people showed up as all. And I came from Hawaii and I was like, I’m not doing that, I’m not gonna ask. But I went and before I went home I was like, all right, give me one of those necklaces and gave me one of those names. And they said we can’t do that, you have to meditate for 30 days. But their whole thing was like, be here now. So I was like, you said, be here now without a, without a name and Annapolis. Right. So yes, I used to go to a rajneeshpuram about four times a year. Yeah. How did you find, how did you end up becoming involved in going and like where did this have to do with the first boyfriend?
Kathleen: 42:26 So. And I lived in Columbia. God should we try to make it fast? I lived in Columbus, Ohio and I hated it my whole life. I kept trying to get out and I fell in love with this guy. We worked in this weird little convention center and in the basement under the concerts was a hair salon and a jewelry store and all this stuff. He was a jeweler and I worked at the hair salon that seem walk by every day and he had this long hair. He was like sexy Jesus, which is another issue apparently I have. And we’ll talk about m and a sexy Jesus. And Man, I was smitten and I met this guy and he was on his way to move to Hawaii. I had very limited time to spend with him and he was the first love of my life. Swami from Veats Soco.
Kathleen: 43:11 And yeah. So he moved to Hawaii and he was one of these frozen, each Chi’s and I’d been a couple of different religions by that. And I had been Catholic, Episcopalian baptist, you know, I kind of been searching for something that felt right. And he plays this tape for me. Can I say the F word? I’m the fuck tape. I Bhagwan and it’s this tape spoken in Poona. Antia Bowen. Bhagwan was an opponent and he was doing this discourse in. This lady says, Bhagwan, I love you, but I hate it when you say fuck. And he said, fuck is you most beautiful word in the English language, fuck can be used as an adjective. Matty fucked on file can be used as a noun. I got fucked. And he goes on and it’s like a half an hour long. And I was like, oh, what’s this?
Kathleen: 44:00 And yeah. And then the guy moved to Hawaii and I went to visit and stayed in Hawaii and all my housemates and I don’t know how I ended up flying to Oregon as a matter of fact, on my way there. I’m a skier and there’s all these beautiful mountains that had glaciers on top. And the bus kept stopping and it kept thinking, shit, where’s my skis? I don’t want to go into this thing. I want to go skiing. And once I got there though, man, it kind of rip my head open a little bit. It was, wow. Just, just so we’re clear here, that whole sex cult part of it, you know, that’s what the Oregonians wanted to represent. You know, they show movies and clips even in the thing of people doing tantric meditation or Kundalini and they’re just bouncing around naked and they want you to think that you walk in.
Kathleen: 44:46 It’s like this big orgy, you know? Sure. Everybody was hooking up, you know, you have people from all over the world that haven’t seen each other in a while
Leanne: 44:53 or ever.
Kathleen: 44:55 That’s a good way to start. but yeah, I didn’t get into all of this net and all that, but I, I wish it still existed today, man. It and I can’t believe they did a documentary about it. I could barely get through it.
Leanne & The BF: 45:10 What did you think? Yeah, because we want to me,
Kathleen: 45:13 I can almost start crying right now in talking to, you know, Sheila, in the beginning I used to write her. I wrote her a letter or in the beginning and I was just like, you are, I don’t know how you did this. This is so fantastic. My hat’s off to you. I mean, I went on and on about.
Kathleen: 45:27 I had a Sheila crush about what a great job. How do you get all these people together, do this party and have them leave and have no evidence, you know, before burning man, you know what I mean? And she just want a little power. Crazy. There was, I didn’t know her side of the story. So when he first started watching, I couldn’t stand the sound of her voice. I wanted to stab the TV. I couldn’t. It was really hard for me. And by the end of it I felt like I love them both still. How can I love them both? Am I allowed to. Is that okay? You know, did you think that the documentary is pretty accurate? Yes. And I love the guy that did it. I mean he was there. I do think it was accurate, but the point I wanted to make was so the people of Oregon were pretty blown away because, you know, anything different, it’s kind of terrifying.
Kathleen: 46:15 But what they used to say all the time, they’d have like a picture on the front page of the paper and it would be us next to the Rolls Royce when he drives by. And they would say free love free, love Rajneesh porn. And I’m thinking, dude, if you’re paying for your love baby, you got the problem. What? I mean, what kind of, what is that? But I have a really good bhawan story. You want to hear it?
Leanne & The BF: 46:37 Yeah.
Kathleen: 46:38 This is such a great story. so one of the parties, my girlfriend and I didn’t, we were late to show up for the lineup or the car goes by, I was carrying around a puppet, a puppet that it was a little monkey and it had a mala to when a pink tee shirt and the whole nine. And anyway, so we went to the nude lake because they had a regular, like in a new lake.
Kathleen: 47:00 I went to the nude lake and we were wandering back that day and at this point they tried to keep good track of this. Like we have searched on the way in. We couldn’t bring drugs in. I trust me. I tried, because they were worried somebody would get busted. So there was a lot of rules and regulations and you know, they tried to keep it pretty tight when the parties are happening. So my girlfriend and I are on the side of the road taking a pee and here comes the Rolls Royce and were so stunned that here comes Bhagwan that were like standing up pulling the pants. We can’t decide what to do. In the end, we ended up standing there with our pants around her ankles, with our hands in front of us in prayer mode. Go on, drives by. And I’ve never seen him with such a big smile ever in my entire time hanging out with him.
Kathleen: 47:48 I’m so glad I got that moment with him because you know, he was in silence then in wasn’t like I could go to his house and hang out or anything. I mean I got to be in the room that big auditorium space many times with him, but not like one on one. But he did give me the name Veats Calcutta. So. Wow. Dang. Are we still talking about comedy? You are right. No, I’m tearing up, man. The
Leanne: 48:14 I’m fascinated by your stories and your life experience to listen if you want to read some good stuff.
Kathleen: 48:20 Buck Owens got some good teachings, you know? Basically what he did was he took like Jesus, Sarah booster allowed sue Buddha, all these different masters sort of meshed it together and said they’re all right, you know, this is, this is it. And the big thing that Bhagwan used to say, to not be confused as he’s like, if you think I’m the guy, you’re misinterpreting this whole thing.
Kathleen: 48:44 What you’re looking for is within yourself. You have to figure out how to find that. So don’t get confused and think you’ve got to follow me and I’m the dude and the deal. So that’s how we met. That’s why in San Francisco, all my friends were from other countries, so I’m pretty sure they were all Rajneesh people. So like if you walked down the street, there’d be like a house of people here and around the corner there’s another house of people there and yeah, at that point it was like dating this guy who was from Spain. This was before I met the Brazilian and I had this Japanese roommate and everybody was talking about the green card and I just figured out that I didn’t legally, it was all these other people that did and I was worried about motives of somebody trying to date me.
Kathleen: 49:33 So I looked at this Japanese roommate of mine. I was like, syndrome, would you marry me? And he goes, yeah. And as soon as he said that, the Spanish guy who was dating got up, walked out of the house and I never saw him again. Oh. So apparently he was looking for a green card to. Oh Wow. So that’s explains why he knew so many people from all over the world. So you were really young when? 18. Nineteen. Yeah, 19. I think.
Leanne: 49:58 So. What about your parents? What did they think when you ran off and did these exploration parents?
Kathleen: 50:06 Never early. I was like a house plant. They just watered me. I moved out when I was 14, so
Leanne: 50:12 holy cow,
Kathleen: 50:13 they weren’t really keeping track and read by the time I was 18 and then my parents were in the middle of a divorce, so they had their own deal. All I knew is I was so far away. I’m like, if I go to this place, I didn’t even know where mallory was. I’m like, I’m pretty sure they’re not going to come and get me. If I go to Maui, nobody’s coming to get me. Yeah, but what’s interesting is when my mom and my dad divorced, I was like really unsure how they would accept this whole deal. I was up to change in my name and wearing these clothes and getting involved with this guy with the Rolls Royce is. So I sent my mom a letter and it was addressed to her maiden name for my name and I got a letter back in Maui, Hawaii, addressed to my name for my mother’s maiden name and that said everything right there. I didn’t even need to open the ladder. I was like, she’s on board. Yes. Yep. So how did you open the letter and read it? But the most important part of it is that part because I still remember that, but I don’t remember what was in the latter, you know?
The Boyfriend: 51:09 Wow. But that was her way of saying yes.
Kathleen: 51:12 Exactly. Exactly. And then my dad’s funny because when I told him I was marrying the Brazilian, we’d been together for a minute and my dad was on his third marriage and he goes, do you know when I got married it was supposed to be for lo..?
Kathleen: 51:29 I was like, that’s right. Shut up for what dad for, for life. Is that what?
Leanne: 51:34 Wow. Wow. So you left when you were 14 and you’ve had some incredible, incredible experiences.
Kathleen: 51:42 Yeah, I got to write a book. It’s, yeah, for sure.
Leanne: 51:45 No kidding. So I’m, I’m almost wondering, should I ask any other thing we should know about Kathleen’s.
Kathleen: 51:54 Oh my God. Well, that’s what we need so much for time and we’d have to put it into the book. I have some Hunter Thompson stories, but I’ll save that for the next time. Not with Hunter Thompson, a little bit in San Francisco, that guy was a truck, but so these days just, you know, doing a little secret comedy and I like how you try and keep this all low key. Well No, not much, but did I tell you about the time when I had joined this group? Better effect. Can I hand you a pamphlet? Pamphlet forever. You were going to be fine.
Leanne: 52:31 Do you still keep in touch with people?
Kathleen: 52:33 You know, it’s really tough because everybody had the Rajneesh name and I didn’t really know a lot of people’s real names. So, I’ve been trying to figure out how to go about that. I fronted the guy that did the movie. Yeah, I can’t think of his name right now. The lawyer and Philip Phillipe something. Anyway, he, I was hoping to see some friends of his friends because I only know everybody by like soon gates know names like that. Renew. I don’t know what anybody’s real name is. Yeah, that was the days. That’d be a hard to find out.
The Boyfriend: 53:11 And I’m sure I’m guessing that even if there was a way for everyone to put their real name with it, they probably wouldn’t want to.
Kathleen: 53:18 Yeah. You seem to have a theme going here with the real names.
Leanne: 53:24 I thought it was just me with the boyfriend.
Kathleen: 53:27 They always have a nickname, right? Yup. Always go with it. It’s always good. Like Carrie and Mr. big. Listen guys, you’re doing bad when she calls you Mr. little though, not a couple of minutes if you’re in her phone, is Mr. Little or asshole
Leanne: 53:42 not. Not A compliment.
Kathleen: 53:43 We love when women are talking about their man in the go, blah blah blah. So asshole this or asshole they. I’m like, Tim, when you refer to your better half is asshole. Maybe it’s time to bail out, right? Yeah. It makes you wonder, I want to make a t shirt that says change is something you make out of a dollar, not your boyfriend.
Kathleen: 54:05 Market that don’t steal that. I’m still working on that.
Leanne: 54:08 All right, everybody still that.
Kathleen: 54:12 So the online boyfriend we were talking about earlier, I just haven’t had any luck. Clearly I need to hang out at a Starbucks more.
Leanne: 54:19 See what you’ve been. It’s right down the right by your house. Like starbucks.
Kathleen: 54:23 God, you know, I make my own coffee like am I such a rare individual
Leanne: 54:27 all you do is just buy it once and then go in there with an empty cup. Set it in front of everybody in there by that stuff. Got
Kathleen: 54:36 As long as it’s not the coffee shop down the street a little bit. We’re all the old dudes hanging out.
Leanne: 54:40 Which one?
Kathleen: 54:43 Not just me. Then right now it’s just me. Well, I did. I did do the. Tried to do the like online boyfriend thing and I don’t know. I mean I can’t even shop online when I buy something. It’s like green instead of blue or it’s too small. I can’t. It doesn’t have any power. So then I looked for a boyfriend online. Guess what? He was the wrong size, the wrong color. And also broken. I should have known. Can Amazon, do they have a boyfriend? Amazon prime. A prime meat. Amazon frame me. There you go,
Leanne: 55:18 right?
Leanne: 55:18 Yeah. Let’s get on that.
Leanne: 55:20 Hey, they’re missing out on a big opportunity there.
Kathleen: 55:22 Do you find yourself having conversations with people now when you don’t like what they’re saying You just want to reach out and swipe left? but I should because I’m doing that to your boyfriend right now.
Kathleen: 55:36 So let’s talk about you now that I’ve had my therapy session.
Leanne: 55:40 Oh, we love it. We love it.
Kathleen: 55:42 I think I need a shower after all this.
Leanne: 55:45 I think we all do! group shower ahahahah. Okay.
Kathleen: 55:49 I told you I wouldn’t enter that group thing. We made that clear.
Leanne: 55:55 Well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing all of this with us. I think our minds have been blown.
Kathleen: 56:00 Yes. And please make sure you don’t come to my comedy show. It is September 26th, 8:00. And what was the other thing? Oh, I wanted to mention also the comedy central.
Leanne: 56:13 Yes, I hear you. You’re doing a comedy Central thing.
Kathleen: 56:15 They’re finally going to the air the comedy central things. It’s going to be October sixth and all you have to do is look really close to me sitting there in the row on the one not laughing. That’s the Bill Cosby show. Sponsored by Jello Roofie pops, too soon?
Kathleen: 56:38 No, no, never.
Kathleen: 56:40 Ohh Roofies, but That’s another story, but we’ll save that for next time.
Leanne: 56:45 I don’t know. You sure?
Kathleen: 56:46 I had a boyfriend. His nickname was a roofie, but that will save that. All right.
Leanne: 56:51 Thank you so much Kathleen.
Kathleen: 56:52 It was a pleasure. I had a great time. And, if any federal people are listening again, my name is Kathleen Parsons. Just to be clear. Thank you. It was so much fun. You guys.